3rd quarter and all is well

My program has some bizarre & distressing organizational issues, but I'm still inspired by all my various clinical instructors/preceptors and my class instructors, by how they practice, teach, and manage and think about their own lives. I'd say 90% of the (very large amounts of) time I spend doing school-related clinic, work, class/clinic preparation, follow-up, writing, reading, etc. is enjoyable and thought-provoking in the best ways.

Nursing school has been good at really teaching me to prioritize, by example and by necessity. Necessity: I just have less time, so I'm making sure I spend not-school-related time doing exactly what I want or need to be doing, which turns out to mostly be hanging with my family. Example: nursing is all about teaching patients/clients in various compromised states of health to prioritize so they can "conserve energy" and use their time in the ways most important to them. As a classmate of mine said to me the other day, someone with COPD (chronic obstructive pulmonary disorder) has to choose between having sex with their spouse and going to the grocery store that day, and needs help adjusting to the idea of planning accordingly. And that's ok. One cannot do it all, one shouldn't try to do it all, and it's a waste of precious energy to even spend time worrying about the "all" one isn't doing. I also find that I'm enjoying the time I spend with my daughter more and more--in part, this is because she is 3, and everyone says 3 is "such a great age, watch out for later." But it's also because of how precious this time with her feels to me.

All the things I'm learning, and strategically "thinking like a nurse" in terms of assessment, prioritization of my time and client'/patients', and provision of care, have been the final nail in the coffin, for me, of the Cartesian mind/body distinction. The distinction had started to erode years ago through a combination of lots of yoga and being humbled by how birth control hormones affected what I thought of as my stable self and personality. But pharmacology, therapeutic-nursey thinking, my own experiences with therapy and couples workshops, and some profound meditative experiences in yoga, have finally taught me it's a useless distinction to make.

One other cool revelation I've had recently: in the midst of all our class, lab practicums, and clinic work, we have 3 seminars this quarter for which we don't have to do any prep work. We just get to go, listen, think, absorb, and ask questions. Our first one was a 2.5 hour presentation on pain and pain management. Fascinating stuff. And a big part of it is realizing where our own biases as healthcare providers are, and being suspicious of them, because someone's 10/10 pain might be provoked because of having a sheet dragged over their toes because they have a nerve problem, and it is NOT my job to think or act as if they aren't experiencing that much pain, or they're a wimp, or that "can't happen," etc. One person's 10/10 pain might look and sound, in terms of their expression of it, like another person's 4/10 pain. Some cultures disapprove of outward acknowledgment of pain.

Pain is now widely being called & considered the 5th vital sign (temperature, blood pressure, pulse/heart rate, and respiration rate are the main 4), and it's not a sign, because I cannot objectively assess it. It is the patient's subjective experience, but HCPs need to pay as much attention to it as a sign, because of all the ways it affects the patient and their future healing/functioning/mental and emotional health, etc. Anyway, it wasn't much of a stretch for me to say to myself, "yes, someone's pain is their own, and I CANNOT tell them they don't actually feel that bad, or shouldn't, because it's not my body and it's not what I'm feeling." This is a full admission on my part of others' right to their subjective experience. So the neat part is that I finally have the analog I needed to think about other people's subjective experiences of the world in general, and their emotional reactions to it. It doesn't even make sense for me to think, or tell someone, that they should or shouldn't be angry, sad, happy, resentful, etc. I don't know what it feels like to be them, and cannot. Neat! I have applied logic to my own attempts to apply logic where it doesn't belong.