Opportunity costs

Home sick today. I feel nauseated, have felt this way all day. Tried to nap, but there was nothing to distract me from how my stomach felt. Mental activity has proved most helpful, as it helps me escape my body, which is not a very pleasant place to be right now. There are people who live with pain on a permanent basis; they must crave distraction more than anything. Nausea doesn't seem to be a longterm problem in general; a quick Google search yielded little other than random personal blog hits of people undergoing cancer treatments. I've read about burn patients playing virtual-reality video games set on ice planets while undergoing their extremely painful therapies, and that they report experiencing less pain.

It's been an illness-filled week. Lots of our friends' children have fallen ill, our daughter did, too, and I stayed home with her all day a few days ago. Today I have whatever-it-is.

I made the decision a while ago to cut my working hours back from 5 days a week to only 4. I had found myself resenting the last hour or so I spent at work every day, thinking of the things I wanted to accomplish outside of work that I wasn't able to do. A friend pointed out that the fact that my hours have a dollar amount attached to them now (a meagre $11) means that I am able to concretely weigh how much different opportunities are worth to me. Would I rather forego the $11 and spend that time going to the grocery store, running other errands, doing schoolwork and housework? Often, the answer was yes.

It doesn't help that my position at work is weird. I'm working at a position for which I am only required to be a highschool graduate certified in CPR. Everyone I work with outranks me, and so can tell me where I should be and what I should be doing at any given time. Right before I started work there, I got my food handler's permit, which, coupled with the fact that I'm currently taking microbiology, meant that I have been hyper-aware of contamination, cleanliness, etc., and especially concerned with the kitchen. The program I work with is headquartered in public housing, so rodents are, and should be, a concern. There was a long time that whenever I went to work in the kitchen--to do all the dishes, at the beginning of our move back, before we had someone come to do dishes; to get it organized, get things labeled, get systems in place; one of my many bosses would shoo me back to spend time with the clients. I'm happy to work with the clients when I can tell my presence is needed and not redundant, but that wasn't always the case. At some point, I snapped at my coworker, Joey, when he came to shoo me out of the kitchen, then finally talked to my principle supervisor, Jody, about it.

I brought up the fact that I am paid so very little. I know it's a nonprofit, I know what's in my job description, and... I have been trained to do most of the things that my two coworker/bosses do, and I also take initiative, improve systems, and use my time efficiently. I told her it also distressed me that the one work-study student there, Jeremy, does none of those things. He congenially does whatever is explicitly asked of him, but he doesn't look for work to do, and isn't really qualified to substitute Jody and Joey in leading group activities. This distresses me because I know he is paid $1/hour less than I. This is government-subsidized, of course, so Geriabulous isn't shelling out nearly as much for him as they are for me. The money isn't why I'm there, obviously, although it's nice to have any sort of income after 6 months of none. The difference bothers me because it feels like I am not valued. So Jody wisely listened to me rant and seems to have mostly changed the things she could: I'm still paid my crap wages, but when I asked my uber-supervisor if I could work one day fewer per week, Jody chimed in her support and suggested a day that would work for all of us. She & Joey have also gotten off my back about going in the kitchen whenever I find spare moments.

And it's actually better for me to not be working the 5 days, because that would've averaged out to over 22 hours/week, which would make me fulltime and eligible for benefits. I am much better off with my husband's and the extra fees we have to pay for me to be covered by them. This is a Bummer: my joblet in healthcare, which for many people in the organization is their primary soure of income, comes with not very fabulous healthcare benefits.

The fact that I don't have benefits means that I don't have paid sick leave, and I therefore don't feel guilty about not going in for work when I don't feel well. Of course, I shouldn't feel that way at all, even if I had paid sick leave, because everyone is better off if a sick person stays away. I do hate leaving Jody & Joey in the lurch, though; I know how busy Fridays are. :(

Like Flynn!

Or something. I got the letter in the actual snail-mail two weeks ago indicating that my crush is reciprocated: my dream program wants me. This makes me very relieved and happy, and means I've been able to start planning my life somewhat around the program's timeline. I'll start classes the fourth week of June.